Flores

Mother’s Day and Dia de las Madres are really hard days for me sometimes. This year, it's extra hard. I lost my grandmother in March, I haven’t spoken to my mother in a couple of years, and I am working on building a family with my husband.

The idea of motherhood has been ever changing for me. Sometimes I’ve wanted it and sometimes I didn’t want to allow myself to want it. I’ve battled with my mind about the worth of a woman, the rituals of becoming a mother and nurturing a family. The value motherhood has in our communities and the toxic traits it protects sometimes. I grew up with a mother who couldn’t love me the way I needed. This left me feeling broken inside and it built a deep fear of repeating the same cycle. Her mother couldn’t love her the way she needed either.

This collection was released before Mother’s Day on purpose. It is also not titled with something cute and cheesy for the same reason. Mother’s Day is difficult for some of us. Instead of having another reminder of who you are not, who you can’t be, choose not to be, or don’t have, I chose to make flowers for the season I am in.

In this season, I am choosing to mother myself. Nurture my little family and celebrate my fur and plant babies. It hasn't gotten any easier, specially grieving someone I wished I had. It's hard watching mother - daughter movies, specially in Spanish. The words of affection just...hit...different. They tug at the parts of my heart I've locked away as a child. They are buried so deep that my native language is needed as a shovel, English won't do. 

It was therapeutic to process my emotions about motherhood while my hands made earrings. Same movements, repeating the same steps, and knowing what comes next. I think my mind and body found comfort in repetitive movements.

To me, this collection represents the many seasons we enter, wether is joy, celebration, frustration, hopelessness, determination, confusion, heartache, mourning, excitement, hope, or numbness. I hope you know you are not alone. Know that I am celebrating, hoping, grieving, and believing with you. 

This collection has one design. I don’t think it started out like this. It just kind of came to be.

I hope this collection brings something special to you. Even if it’s knowing that Mother’s Day can be difficult and it could also be a day full of love for yourself in the midst of pain.

Con cariño, 

Pam ♥